We all have different views on what strength is. Everyone has a back story, but not everyone knows another persons trials and tribulations.
Many of my newer friends know I lost my youngest son Jaie, to Suicide. But the back story before all this happened, is in many ways, out of a horror book for my children and myself.
‘Strength through Adversity’ I keep telling myself.
Do you want to know what strength is?
- Strength is having someone you love, threaten to kill you and their unborn baby, yet you stand tall in the face of this.
- Strength is having this person stalk you for years afterwards and 20 years later, you can stand up to them without blinking.
- Strength is admitting when you are struggling and need help. Any help. From family, friends, workmates… literally anyone.
- Strength is, after finding out a person you literally trusted with your life (children), has betrayed you all in the worst possible way, you do what is right. Even though, in that moment, it is the most difficult path.
- Strength is having to teach your children that life is unfair and cruel and sometimes, bad people either fail to get any punishment or they receive minimum punishment. (Though I’m a firm believer that karma will catch them).
- Strength is having your daughter disclose sexual abuse at 15 years of age and keeping your shit together, long enough to get her and her brothers to safety, while still being in the presence of evil.
- Strength is doing things in a way that keeps everyone close to you safe from harm, until it can all be spoken about with them.
- Strength is being judged for doing things in a way no one else can comprehend, but you still do it because you know it protects those you love.
- Strength is talking your little brother out of suicide.
- Strength is the very next night, realising immediately that your little brother is literally fighting for his life and calling the emergency services to try and help him.
- Strength is calling your mother at 4.20am in the morning to let her know the police had found your little brothers body and that we had lost him.
- Strength is living alone with the demons in your head, for over 10 years and telling no one just how horrifying they truly are.
- Strength is convincing yourself that your family and friends are better off without you (this is not true. We love you and will always want you with us.) Suicide is not selfish or cowardly.
- Strength is having to lie to your daughters about the death being confirmed, until you can be with them to break the news face to face.
- Strength is wanting to help your mother cover the costs of your little brothers funeral.
- Strength is mothering the child of your deceased fiancé, while feeling like you want to die too.
- Strength is being able to wake up every single day and to choose life.
- Strength is being able to comprehend that your life is never going to be what you thought it would be, but still making the most of it anyway.
- Strength is knowing that by helping others, it is helping yourself.
- Strength is finding a reason to smile everyday.
- Strength is sometimes simply getting out of bed and taking a shower.
- Strength is recognising what worked for you in the ‘Before’, no longer works for you in the ‘After’.
- Strength is practicing self care and leading your children by example.
- Strength is withdrawing when everything is too much.
- Strength is telling people you have major depressive disorder (or bipolar or schizophrenia or any form of mental illness).
- Strength is sometimes simply waking up, taking a deep breath, then rolling back over to return to sleep.
- Surviving IS strength.
If you’re not walking in another persons shoes, how would you know what burdens they are carrying?
‘Love Sometimes Comes Like a Dream & Leaves Like a Nightmare’