Stumble in my Shoes for a Day …

A persons grief journey is as individual as the person. I cannot walk another’s path and they cannot walk mine. Although there will be similarities in the journeys, they will NEVER be exactly the same.
Much of this has to do with the individuals own emotional and mental makeup, as well as their relationship with the person who has died. With a loss of a loved one to suicide, it is a grief which is unexplainable, until or unless, it is experienced by another directly. (This is NOT a wish I have for anyone).

I have been bad mouthed, harassed, accused of being a thief and slandered for being a grieving mother, who has made a conscious decision to stand up and speak out, simply to try and raise awareness of suicide, mental health and depression.

Specifically from a Survivor of Suicide and grieving persons perspective.

Yes, this means I have also had to discuss and decide to place my children and family/friends, in the public eye, to a degree. This does not mean I am slathering their photos for attention. It is to show that Jaie has a loving and close relationship with his family. That Jaie has several close friends and they too have been traumatised by his death.

It is to show that many of those lost to suicide have every reason to live, but that something went terribly wrong and they were unable to ask for help. That we, as a society are responsible for helping to remove the stigma attached to depression, suicide and people (males especially) asking for help.
Also to advocate for others who are bereaved by suicide and they simply are unable to speak up publicly, about the trauma and devastation the loss of their loved one to suicide, has caused them and their families and friends.


Still Fighting and Will Keep Fighting60717_10151218898288473_1041787761_n


I have also been told I am brave and inspirational. I do not see this or feel this at all, even though I do understand the emotions behind such positive words. I do not feel brave and inspirational… I simply feel broken and sad and very lost, while I try to navigate a rough and treacherous path, which has no maps or bearings to help.

However, by contacting other survivors of suicide, the path has been made less lonely, then if I tried walking it alone. They may not be able to tell me which way to go, or how I should do things, but these tortured and brave souls are there at least to lean upon when I am exhausted and to remind me to practice mindfulness and self-care. Importantly, I am also here for them to vent or lean on in their hours of crushing grief and frustration or anger. This helps us all; so we know we are not alone, that we have others who ‘get’ how this truly feels and it helps us to find our way through a dark and despairing grief journey.

There are also many amazing and special friends and family who have stood by our sides without wavering and without any question.

Only to reassure us that “We are we here for you all.”
We are entering into our 2nd year Thanoversary (1st April) for Jaie​ and his 2nd birthday as an Angel (30th March). I struggle to move from my bed and room, simply because the emotions and grief I am experiencing, are so heavy.


People who spew hatred and anger at people who are bereaved deserve a special kind of punishment. And it is with true faith and belief that I will see this occur. Get this through your thick skulls, those who feel they have a ‘right’ to attack myself or my family…

You are nothing, to attack a grieving family.

You are nothing, when you bad mouth people who trusted you implicitly and you then broke that trust.

Not only broke our trust, but you abused it. Along with the trust of many others. I, as an individual took a stand on behalf of those who were/are unaware of everything and for those who were/are unable to protect themselves.
And I shall continue to do so, because protecting the vulnerable and at risk, is far more important than gaining anything in a financial manner and in a public arena.
As a survivor of suicide I shall protect those left behind as best I can, so that their trauma is lessened at least to any small degree. And why do I do this you may ask? Because I too am a survivor and I too understand the complexities of this grief from suicide. I understand the triggers are never simple or easy to navigate.

So before you (and this means ANYONE) judge me and my grieving children, family and friends, you come stumble a day in OUR shoes, to see just how difficult it is to find any form of solid ground, when it continually shifts from under our feet.


Jaie’s Journey Our New Normal After Death By Suicide – Facebook


#jaiesjourney #restinlove #stampoutstigma #educationisthekey #exerciseandnaturehelp #gracedurbin #kidsmatterok
#depressionawareness #suicideprevention #differentbattlesamewar


Love Sometimes Comes Like a Dream & Leaves Like a Nightmare


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